Texts From Last Night

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  (407): View more from Florida

  Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.

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  (407): Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store. http://tfl.nu/m9df
  Replies (77) Good night (3316) Bad night (765)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year

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  (614): You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year http://tfl.nu/i8j9
  Replies (85) Good night (3388) Bad night (1564)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.

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  (608): Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him. http://tfl.nu/b6v7
  Replies (49) Good night (8995) Bad night (1089)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.

  (1-210): View more from Texas

  I love milkshakes.

  (210): View more from Texas

  Not the point.

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  (210): I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat. (1-210): I love milkshakes. (210): Not the point. http://tfl.nu/tb5t
  Replies (19) Good night (5345) Bad night (1492)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.

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  (412): i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad. http://tfl.nu/1j3o
  Replies (3) Good night (3398) Bad night (1140)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.

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  (812): It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind. http://tfl.nu/4evb
  Replies (9) Good night (1235) Bad night (821)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs

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  (724): Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs http://tfl.nu/vayg
  Replies (5) Good night (1191) Bad night (467)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.

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  (316): Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple. http://tfl.nu/0ujo
  Replies (24) Good night (592) Bad night (1735)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.

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  (202): Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat. http://tfl.nu/b8sz
  Replies (4) Good night (565) Bad night (1665)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru

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  (904): usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru http://tfl.nu/ym2q
  Replies (4) Good night (883) Bad night (387)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.

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  (865): I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday. http://tfl.nu/q5oo
  Replies (0) Good night (700) Bad night (393)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?

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  (303): His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls? http://tfl.nu/8cye
  Replies (11) Good night (366) Bad night (926)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak

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  (585): I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak http://tfl.nu/2vt3
  Replies (1) Good night (522) Bad night (308)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be

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  (505): Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be http://tfl.nu/c3xl
  Replies (1) Good night (546) Bad night (234)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober

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  (773): I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober http://tfl.nu/r8u7
  Replies (2) Good night (408) Bad night (250)

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