I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
