Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u

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(972): View more from Texas

You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"

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(520): View more from Arizona

Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.

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(276): View more from Virginia

I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem

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27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Read it at the TFLN blog
(701): View more from North Dakota

Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....

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(970): View more from Colorado

we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!

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(970): View more from Colorado

I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.

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(269): View more from Michigan

Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...

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(404): View more from Georgia

Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?

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