piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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