So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
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I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
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I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life