Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(830): View more from Texas

If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice

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(830): If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice http://tfl.nu/5b32

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(936): View more from Texas

Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....

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(936): Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas.... http://tfl.nu/nx5u

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(318): View more from Louisiana

dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune

(1-318): View more from Louisiana

what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??

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(318): dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune (1-318): what drug did you take to come to that conclusion?? http://tfl.nu/bym5

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.

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(860): Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god. http://tfl.nu/co52

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(505): View more from New Mexico

i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.

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(505): i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat. http://tfl.nu/gqde

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.

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(832): Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank. http://tfl.nu/gxu8

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(443): View more from Maryland

shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy

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(443): shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy http://tfl.nu/uhwk

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(727): View more from Florida

josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.

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(727): josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry. http://tfl.nu/3vhb

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(585): View more from New York

I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.

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(585): I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late. http://tfl.nu/de8d

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.

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(780): I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night. http://tfl.nu/oi63

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(561): View more from Florida

I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.

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(561): I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck. http://tfl.nu/6ztm

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(406): View more from Montana

All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off

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(406): All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off http://tfl.nu/72k1

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(863): View more from Florida

I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.

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(863): I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life. http://tfl.nu/jtja

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(865): View more from Tennessee

I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend

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(865): I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend http://tfl.nu/9cvt

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(217): View more from Illinois

I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.

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(217): I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound. http://tfl.nu/nj12

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