i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...