ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
