We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
