i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Randomize
