I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
