I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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