Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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