I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
