Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
