You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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