There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
