When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
