Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
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The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
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I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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