When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
