It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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