True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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