Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
