You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
sarcasm needs its own font
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
