At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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