I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
