Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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