Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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