They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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