chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
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