She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
