He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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