Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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