I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
