I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
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My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
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I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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