This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
