census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
