Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
