please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
