dude i'm inner monologue high
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
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She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
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I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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