I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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