everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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