I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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