I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
