This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
