i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
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Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
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You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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