I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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