Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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