I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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