At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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