just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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