You're so nebulous sometimes
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
