one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
