he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
