Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
