When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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