ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
