u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
