I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
