She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
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if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
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Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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