She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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