i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
