im about as happy as oj after his trial
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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