So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
