kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
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I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
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I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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