I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize